As a family therapist, I have been hired in substance abuse for several years. I have worked with an older population (40+ professionals) and a younger crowd as well (19-24 years old on their parents’ insurance). The element that shocked me about the younger crowd was their entitlement. They were highly entitled to having their needs met in treatment at all times. You would think this was in reference to their treatment, but their main focus was actually on getting to leave treatment early, making sure they could get up/down disturbing class for a fresh cup of coffee, and being hyper focused on medications that would allow more addictive tendencies. As I have a therapist mind, I would look for patterns in their behaviors. I started to notice each young adult had a common characteristic. I also recognized many of these attributes being similar for my older clients, but those individuals demonstrated these tendencies in a different way. They worked incessantly. They hyper focused on being stay at home mothers. They threw themselves into fixing everyone else’s problems at the expense of their own well-being. They could not stay bored. Boredom was extremely uncomfortable for both age groups. They would fight it at all costs. There is an AA/NA concept in which the clients are told to fill their schedules so as to not have idle time. “Idle hands are the devil’s playtoy”. I agree to an extent, without a doubt. Many times when the client is bored, they seek out something to fill that boredom with immediately. Sometimes they try to fill it with drama, love triangles, chaos, Facebook, Netflix, or they eventually turn back to drugs and/or alcohol.
Knowing this, I considered my own children. As I was in the field with the young adults, my children were around 10, 7, and 1 years old. I quickly began to lose faith in the substance abuse field. I became terrified that if my children ever struggled with addiction, there are very few options that are decently effective. I wondered, if I could start off with my children being young and attempt to mold them, what would they need to ensure that they do not grow up with addictive tendencies themselves? I came up with the one solid solution I could. I needed to teach them to be OK with being bored. You see, there is this whole therapeutic concept of what happens in our brains when we are bored.
- Our biggest problems come to the surface.
- Our brains have the chance to solve our biggest problems.
If we teach our children at a young age to be comfortable with those negative emotions coming up while they are bored, instead of suppressing them with some type of distraction or escape, they will learn to work through their problems as opposed to seeking escape elsewhere. It’s ok to play video games. It’s fine to binge watch Netflix from time to time, but prescribing intentional boredom (even 2 minutes at a time) in your life is something you can do, as well as teach your children to do through example. Turn off the music in the car while driving. Turn off the podcasts while cleaning the house. Before going to bed, turn of the television for a few minutes. Do this throughout the week. Allow your brain to do what it’s meant to do, by solving your biggest problems at times of boredom where there is the lack of stimulation. You will understand the importance of this, as well as teach your children how to be OK with processing their own emotions naturally.
Side note: I have yet to determine if I am successful at this raising decent citizens thing. I believe I am doing a great job so far. Well, the baby is pretty spoiled but the other two are good. 😉 As parents, we are all in this together. This blog is not meant to demand that I know the one true way to raise children to not become addicts, as that would be ridiculous. I would love to offer any level of help in the epidemic that is occurring today if possible. Helping families is my passion. The clients that I did work on being OK with processing emotions had outcomes that I can be proud of for them. Good luck in managing this with your own family members. Feel free to reach out with comments/questions!
