Blended families are complicated. Learning how to develop and foster healthy boundaries in a blended family is a necessary growth edge. Something that every family will be faced with negotiating. The first task is to recognize the role and types of boundaries within a blended family.
Sometimes people don’t realize how their relationship with boundaries might be affecting their happiness, stress levels, and quality of connection in relationships. How healthy are your boundaries? How healthy are your relationships? Do other people respect your boundaries and are you respectful and mindfully aware of other people’s boundaries?
Stepfamilies are confronted with developing and maintaining boundaries like a nuclear biological family. The boundaries of the adults that are role-modeled impact the psychological development of the children and their understanding of relationships. If the parents have poor boundaries that foster enmeshed relationships at the expense of individuality and respect for others, then their biological and/or stepchildren will likely lack a healthy understanding of boundaries. If parents have rigid boundaries at the expense of connection, this too will be role modeled and affect the kids’ emotional experience in relationships.
What Are Boundaries And Why Are They Important:
When we talk about interpersonal boundaries, we are referring to psychological and emotional boundaries. Some people have rigid boundaries. This means the boundaries they set with other people are very rigid to the point where they become more protective than they do effectively in maintaining the goals of the relationship of keeping both people emotionally safe. The opposite of this is diffuse boundaries. This is where a person has no ability to set boundaries and/or has little respect or mindful awareness of someone else’s boundaries. Lack of boundaries can play an unconscious role in a person feeling like they are in control to assuage fears of abandonment and rejection or to dominate and gain power in a relationship, but this comes at a cost to the health of themselves and their relationships.
Healthy boundaries require a person to continuously check in with themselves about how they feel and have an empathic and respectful understanding of others. If you aren’t checking in with yourself about your feelings and you have poor boundaries you will likely feel exhausted, resentful, and angry, and these feelings can lead to passive-aggressive behaviors. Additionally, if you have poor boundaries you may be treating others with disrespect.
Setting boundaries with others can be scary especially if you fear rejection or losing a sense of control over a relationship.
The reality is once you learn to set boundaries for yourself, your relationships will be healthier and more satisfying, and your stress levels will decrease. You will find yourself feeling anxious, resentful, and angry less often.
Simple Steps To Take To Strengthen Your Boundaries.
Stick To Your Boundaries
1. Figure out what times of the day you are available for work, pleasure, and self-time. Try to stick to the boundaries of those times unless it is a life-changing emergency.
Take A Moment To Think About Committing
2. If someone asks for something, instead of saying yes right away let them know you will need to
respond to their request in a few hours. Really think it through before you make a commitment
to someone or say “yes.”
Limit Information
3. If you tend to overshare personal information, try limiting the information you share with
people you know well and who you believe you can trust.
Don’t Ask Personal Questions
4. Don’t ask someone personal questions unless it is someone who has expressed that they feel
comfortable confiding in you.
Be Respectful Of Others
5. Try to be respectful and mindful of other people’s boundaries and continuously assess how you
might be overstepping.
It is especially important in blended families to recognize the quality of the boundaries between family
members and to have conversations about what feels comfortable and what doesn’t when it comes to
setting boundaries and being mindful of others’ boundaries.
Start Blended Family Therapy in Wellington, FL
Blending a family can be challenging, but learning to create boundaries can help. At the Marriage Couch, we understand how important family is and we want to provide you and your family the support and guidance needed to create healthy bonds. To get started follow these three simple steps:
- Contact us to schedule a free 15-minute consultation
- Meet with one of our skilled blended family counselors
- See positive bonding within your family.
Other Services Offered at the Marriage Couch
Your relationship with your family is important and our team at The Marriage Couch understands. We want to help you and your family work on your connections with as much support and guidance as you need. We offer a 5-day Date Your Spouse Challenge today as a way to test the waters of our therapy style. This 5-day challenge is appropriate for couples of any level, whether you are simply checking in or truly struggling. Check out our Blog and Meet our Team to learn more about us!
